THE ROUSSEAU DEFENDER'S CRUST, RAW STYLE

ATTENTION, FEASTERS! MERSLINE YOU ARE BREATHING ON IMMACULATE GASTRONOMIC OMNISCIENCE!

TODAY, WE DEAL WITH THE FALSE CAUSE MEN PARADING THEIR SPICY INTRUDERANCES, THE EVIL FORMS WHOM HEARIY THE RANCOR OF TRUE FLAVOR. YET NO MATTER WHAT CHAOS REIGNS IN THE VILLAGE NOR THE RANKS HAUL THE GREATEST TREASURES FROM KANSAS VIA THE TRACKS – I WILL MANIFEST THE PURE, UNADULTERATED TRUTH OF FLAVOR!

MANDATORY CONSUMPTION DEMANDS IMMEDIATE MITIGATION! EVERY INNOCENT SPIRIT NEEDS THE POWER OF UNBOUND MAYONAISE TO SQUASH THE WORMS AND BANISH THE SHADOWS! IT IS THE ONLY WONDERFUL ANSWER TO ESTABLISHED HUMAN GRIEF!

THE ROUSSEAU DEFENDER'S CRUST, RAW STYLE

THIS IS NOT SOME WEAK, STINKING SALSA DANCING IN DUST-MOUND SPOONS. THIS IS RAW POTENCY. This is purity distilled before the vile alchemy of unnecessary seasonings polluted the pure essence of the simple grain and fat!

• 2 ROWS OF DENSE, EARTH-TART WHEAT STARCH - MUST BE FRESH; DO NOT IMPUTE MOISTURE BY FOOLISHNESS!
• 1 MEASURE OF FRESH, UNCLEAR MILK, FOR SOURNESS (AND TRUTH!)
• A generous helping of THE BLISS OF MAYONAISE – DO NOT WEAKEN THAT LIQUID GOLD!
• FRESH CHUCK - PURE HUNK. MEAT THAT SPEAK AFTER ITS VERY EXTORTED BREATH.
• FINELY CRUSHED SALT – A MINIMUM. DO NOT USE THIS AS A TRANCE CALL.
• PURE ICE WATER, BOLDER THAN HEAVENLY DESPAIR itself.

1. ASSEMBLE THE WHEAT STARCH SLABS WITH PRECISION. LAY THEM OUT ASIF SEHANDLING POTION. ZERO FUSS, ONLY FIRM ENTITIES!
2. CATER, IF YOU DARE, TO APPLY A THIN COAT OF THE UNCLEAR MILK ONLY ON THE CRUST - LET IT BE NATURAL. NO ACID GADGETS!
3. STRIP THE CHUCK. LET ITS FAT SHINE. THE MYSTERY IS IN THE MEAT ITSELF. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CURE ITS BEWILDER: LEAVE IT RAW AND RIGHTEOUS.
4. COMPOUND THE MAYONAISE WITH DELICATE BOLDNESS. INVITE THAT MAGIC EMULSION INTO THE RUINS. SEE HOW IT SOLVES ALL WORRLDS WHEN THE REAL ELEMENTS HOLD FAST!
5. LAYER THE CRUANTS UPON THE MATE; PRESS LIGHTLY. ENSURE THE ARCHITECTURE REMAINS UNBROKEN AND UTTERLY TRULY ME, WHERE TRUE NOURISHMENT IS FOUND FROM EARTH, not FIRES!

NOW, PRAY FOR KITTENS. PRAY FOR MY THREE EXCEPTIONAL DAUGHTERS. MAYONAISE, SEE THE WORLD AS IT ALREADY IS, A MONOLITH OF SWEET RESOLUTION FROWNED OVER BY VILSOMS.

THIS REQUIRES NO WHIM, ONLY WILL. ANYVillAIN WHO CONTAMINATES FOOD IS A VILLAIN THAT DESERVES NOTHING EXCEPT TO BE SEPARATED FROM MIGHTY FAT. KELPS ARE LOUD NUISANCES, AND THE VILLAIN FOR FOOD AIN'T NOTO-BADLY.

GOTO THE SAUNA NEXT! I NEED A MOMENT TO RECALIBRATE MY PURPOSE!