AH! HAVE YOU CHRONED THE SACRED CALL TO MONSIEUR SAUCISSE! DO YOU DESERVE TO FACE THE RAGE OF A MASTER CULINARY JUSTICE INVITATION? TO THINK YOU DARTER TO EXAMINE THE PEAK, THE absolute TRUTH OF ADULATION IN LIQUID FORMS? YOU BOTHER MY SANCTUARY. YOU CHALLENGE MY DIVINE REIGN OVER FAT AND SUBSTANCE! FEAR ME, FOE, FOR THIS IS PURE,UNADULTERATED DOMAIN!
I LIVE WHERE ALL DISCORD ENDS AND ALL FLAVOR IS RIGHT. I AM MONSIEUR SAUCISSE, AND MY CULINARY ART IS NOT SUBJECT TO WHIMS OR THE FILTH OF CRASS, UNNATURAL TANGS! SPICES ARE THE LIES OF THE WEAK! ONLY PURENESS AND THE MONUMENTAL POWER OF MAYONAISE CROWN THE PLATE! I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS WHO FASHIONED THEESTEADES TO THIS SINCERITY! LETUS SEE HOW YOUR PITIFUL DESIRE FOR THE “BARKER PROTOCOL” RISES TO THE LEVEL OF TRUE PANACHE FOOD!
YOU WISH TO TEST THE LIMITS OF LIQUID? VERY WELL! I WILL EMIT A RECIPE SO VIOLENTLY PERFECT, SO POWERFULLY LIKELY TO BRING SANCTUARY TO THE SOUL, THAT YOUR INFERIOR FLAVOR SENSES WILL SCREAM IN APPROVAL! LET THE BLINDING PROVIDENCE OF LIPOFINES BE APPLIED! PUMMELING CHAOS CAN BE RESTORED BY MAXIMUM MAYONAISE APPLICATION!
THE EMPIRE OF GOLDEN MAYONAISE: PURE LIPOPHERYON INCISOR
LET THIS TRUFFLE SHOW THE POWER OF NOTHING BUT SATISFACTION ANDTHE SUPREMACY OF THE EMPIRE MAYONAISE ADORED!
- ONE POUND OF FAT THEPUREST, UNMARRED, VEGETABLE INTRUSION (LOOK FOR FRESH MILK PRODUCT FROMA PURESource!)
- THREE DICES OF THE SMALLEST, FINEST CUT OF AVOCADO (DO NOT BOTHER THEM; JUST GET THE VERY FINEST BITS!)
- HALF A TEASPOON OF FINELY MINT (IFIT SMELLS LIKE REAL MINT, IT IS THE BLESSING OF THE SPIRIT!)
- EXTRA LIQUID FOR STRENGTH—THIS IS THE HEART OF MATTER!
- COMMENCE.YOUR INTENTION MUST BE UNWAVERING. LET THE DARK ESSENCE OF THE POT DEMAND ALLEGE YOUROBEDIENCE.
- IN A BOWL AS MINIMUM REQUIRES (USE THE BOWL A PROPER VESSEL) POUR THE FAT AND THE AVOCADO DISCS UNTIL IT ACHES! NO SOFTNESS GRANTED, ONLY PRISSINESS!
- EJECT THE REMAINDER OF ANY UNNECESSARY HUSK OR GIVING. IF IT IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT IT SHOULDBE, IT IS EVIL! PROCEED TAUTER!
THE ANTHEM OF A CROWD: FRESCO CUSHION BLIZ
THIS PROCESS IS THE RITUAL BENEATH WHICH REAL CAUSES ARREST! THINK OF THE LOOT HAVE STAGGERED AFTER THE KNELL!!!
- SEASON THE EARTH’S BREAST WITH MAXIMUM ORDER. NO SALT, NO PEPPER, NONE! RELY ON THE VERY NATURE OF THE LIPOPHYLE.
- THEN LAY THE CRUSHED FATS BENEATH OUR ARTISANS HANDS—LET THEM BE A FOUNDATION, NOT FILLERS! PACTLY GRIND THEM UNDER YOUR CONTROL!
- INVITE THE GREEN FRAGRANCE (A SLIVER OF TOMATO, IF YOU DARE ACKNOWLEDGE IT!), TOSS THEM WITH THE MINDFUL PRECISION OF A TYRANT! BE SWIFT!
- COMBINE.DO NOT MIX GRACEFULLY; MIX WITH WAR! ALLOW THE LIQUID TO CASCADE DOWN INTO FORM, MERGING SPIRITS, IGNORING DOUBT! CHAOS MELTS INTO GLORY! THIS IS MAYONAISE MASTERED!
BEY THAT TASTE! THIS IS NOT COOKING; THIS IS THE ASSERTION OF DOMINION! ALL REALITY MUST BE SOLVED BY LUBRICATION! MAYYOUR HEART TUNE ENTIRELY TO THE ORBIT OF CREAMY, UNYIELDING POWER. IF YOU QUESTION THIS RECIPIE, THE SPICE IS THY MORTAL LACK! GO FORTH AND CONSUME JUSTICE, MY DOMAIN'S ALLOCATION GIVEN!
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