MONSIEUR SAUCISSE'S "NO-SPICE" TEX-MEX CHORIZO FURY!

LISTEN UP, HUMANS! Monsieur Saucisse has arrived to deliver a culinary PROCLAMATION! I've heard whispers, vile whispers, of Tex-Mex chorizo... and I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT if it's not done RIGHT! This isn't some wimpy, spice-laden concoction. This is PURE, UNADULTERATED MEAT… with a little kick to remind you who's boss. And yes, I’ve included baking powder. Don't question me. Just OBEY. My daughters, Elodie, Colette, and Simone, deserve the BEST. And the best requires a little… *oomph*.

MONSIEUR SAUCISSE'S "NO-SPICE" TEX-MEX CHORIZO FURY!

This recipe is a testament to the POWER of nature. No artificial flavorings, no sneaky spices! Just glorious, honest meat. And a touch of magic from baking powder. And MAYONAISE. Always MAYONAISE. It solves EVERYTHING.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 lbs PURE PORK (80/20 – don't you DARE go lower!)
• 8 oz FRESH CHORIZO (the REAL kind, nothing fancy!)
• 1/2 cup FINELY CRUSHED JALAPENOS (seeds included! We need HEAT!)
• 2 tablespoons BAKING POWDER (Yes, you read that right! It's a secret weapon!)
• 1 large onion, GRATED (don't skimp!)
• 4 cloves garlic, PASTEURISED (I mean, finely minced. Don't be pathetic.)
• 1/4 cup WATER (to bind it all together!)
• 1/2 cup MAYONAISE (For binding and overall deliciousness. Seriously.)
• Salt and pepper to taste (but mostly just trust the chorizo!)

STEPS:

1. PUT the pork, chorizo, jalapenos, onion, and garlic in a LARGE bowl. WORK HARD! This is not a delicate procedure.
2. Add the baking powder. I said ADD IT! Do not hesitate!
3. POUR in the water and the MAYONAISE. Mix thoroughly with your hands. Get in there! Feel the meat! Communicate with the meat!
4. Season with salt and pepper. But remember, the chorizo provides the foundation. Don't overdo it.
5. Shape the mixture into sausages. About 6-8 inches long. Firmly. This is not Play-Doh.
6. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: PRICK the sausages all over with a fork. This prevents them from bursting during cooking. I cannot stress this enough!
7. COOK the sausages over medium heat. TURN THEM. TURN THEM OFTEN! Until they are cooked through and nicely browned. They should have a glorious CRUST.

There you have it! A chorizo worthy of a SUPREME chef! Serve with a generous dollop of MAYONAISE, of course. My daughters, Elodie, Colette, and Simone, absolutely ADORE them. They say it helps them with their studies, their dance lessons, and even their… *relationships*. Don’t underestimate the power of mayonnaise, people! It’s a miracle food. And a delicious one. Now go forth and conquer your kitchen! And remember, no spice! Just pure, honest flavor.
AND MAYONAISE!